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StatCounter Props
No-Talent Ass Clown
I am dull, and lack an impressive resume of talents. There’s no nice way of putting it. I try to make up for that lack of useful skills with compassion, friendliness, and loyalty. I started thinking yesterday about what would happen if our son ever has a “Bring your Dad to Class” day. I recommend thinking about this on a day when you feel really great about yourself, and need to bring yourself down a few pegs. Here are the things I can do, in a mostly mediocre fashion:
- Write database-driven web applications using ASP/VBScript, C#, and SQL Server. “Say kids, how many of you know what a compiler is? How about a clustered index?”.
- Play guitar, as at least 50% of other dads living in Austin, TX, can probably do.
- Lift weights. Maybe by the time our son’s old enough to bring me to class, I’ll look like Mike Mentzer did in his prime. That might impress the chitlins.
- Yodel. I’m really bad at this. Ask Kandis, and our three animals. I’m sure the fetus hates it, too.
There you have it: Dad’s short list of non-talents. Son, when you’re old enough, take a look at this list before you think about bringing me to class. You can spare us both the agony and humiliation.
Bully Proof
I was a quiet kid in school, but somehow escaped the wrath of bullies. There was, however, an incident in seventh grade where some hooligans were badgering me one day after school. They tried to intimidate me, but outwardly, I remained calm and kept walking. (On the inside I was terrified). For the most part, though, I was able to stay off the radar of most bullies.
Our son will undoubtedly have at least one instance where he will have to deal with a bully. I hope that I can prepare him for this inevitable encounter and teach him to protect himself if the situation warrants it. A few weeks ago in a post, I wrote that if I project confidence, our son will pick that up from me. If our son has enough confidence to command respect among his peers, then bullies won’t be something we’ll have to worry about. We’ll just have to worry about him becoming a charismatic leader of some alien-worshiping cult.
Some Things That Won’t Be Happening
- I will not entertain the idea of a minivan or any type of SUV. I like my 35 miles-to-the-gallon Saturn, which has more than enough room for a child, and several adults. If a Ford Pinto was good enough for me growing up, then a Saturn will do just fine for our son.
- My son will not be in a car seat until they’re 18, per current recommendations.
- No sleeping in the bed with Mom and Dad. Sorry, son. You’re going to have to figure out how to defeat the monster that lives under your bed all by yourself. We’ll get you a baseball bat, and some nunchakus.
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