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StatCounter Props
The Radish
Is it wrong that I find a great deal of humor in watching Cooper’s face turn a radish-red color when he gets angry? Probably so, and it’s likely he’ll get me back for it someday, when he hits adolescence… or age two.
Things Unsaid…
Today, someone with a large pickup truck tailgated us for a bit, passed us, then cut back in front of us, nearly clipping our car as he re-entered the right lane. Obviously, he was setting an example for his two kids that were in the vehicle with him. If it had just been Kandis and I in the car together, I would have gotten over this more quickly. With the new addition to the family though, my reaction has been a bit different, and I’ve been replaying this in my head all afternoon.
Here is the dialogue that I would have liked to see transpire between me and this ass hole:
Rob: Hey, asswipe! I’ve got a 10 day-old baby in the back seat. What the fuck were you thinking, and how did you manage to conceive your two children with a dick that small?
Ass Hole: Uh…
Rob (to the ass hole’s two kids): Hey kids, your dad’s an inconsiderate prick, and could have harmed my baby. He is not worthy of your respect.
Ass Hole: [Wets himself and begins to blubber incessantly]
Rob: Have a nice day!
Unfortunately, reality doesn’t usually pan out the way we would like. Instead, Kandis and I both flicked him the bird as he sped away talking on his cell phone. I suspect he was also waiting in vain for his penis to grow from an abnormally small size to a respectable size.
A Conversation
Phone: Ring… Ring
Kandis: Hello?
Telemarketer: Hi, Kandis Seaver, this is Douche Bag from Big A Enterprises! How are you tonight?
Kandis: I’m sorry, I don’t have time right now. My baby needs me.
Telemarketer: Ma’am, I’m sorry to burden you, but we would like you to give us some mon-
Kandis: I’m sorry, I really don’t have the time right now. Thank you!
I only heard Kandis’ part of the conversation, so I had to make up the telemarketer’s lines. If I were a telemarketer and called someone who told me that their baby needs them, I would apologize profusely and politely end the conversation. My supervisor would then fire me.
Maybe I’m just setting my standards for others a bit too high.
