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StatCounter Props
Freaky Cooper
Sometimes while Cooper is feeding and starts to fall asleep, I can see his eyeballs start to roll back in his head. I know this is a natural occurrence with the onset of sleep, but to watch it is quite jarring. I have issues with anything eye-related as it is, and to watch my infant son’s eyes roll back in his head is almost too much to handle. Often, I find myself nudging him back into a waking state so I don’t have to watch the wandering eyeballs.
More Diaper Tales
Today, Cooper decided to urinate as I was changing his diaper. Since the last diaper story, I learned my lesson, and now cover the little urine factory with a cloth to keep myself from being squirted. Unfortunately, the cloth doesn’t protect the surface of the changing table, so midway through the change, Cooper was laying in a pool of his own urine.
“Well, there’s nothing unusual about that!”, you seasoned parents may say. I’d agree with you. What surprised me the most was his reaction: a smile. He was actually smiling back at me while semi-immersed in pee. I’m sure it was the warmth of the liquid, and the relief he felt. He was ticked off once we started cleaning him up, and his scream of death seem to say “Put me back in my puddle of piss, you worthless troglodytes!”
Happy Father’s Day
Happy Father’s Day to me! Today was my first Father’s Day, and I thought it might be fun to do a little self-assessment — a progress report of how I’ve done as a dad so far.
During the very first few days after his birth, it was great. We were both living on strictly adrenaline and I remember thinking, “This isn’t so hard!” After the adrenaline wore off, my demons came back to haunt me. I was snippy with Kandis in the middle of the night, and expressing some of my anger towards Cooper. My impatience and anger made things very difficult for the next month or so. I found myself feeling guilty for being angry at Cooper, and having little compassion for him and his hunger. What kind of monster was I to be angry at such a small, beautiful creature who didn’t know anything other than he was hungry? I was also lashing out at Kandis, and getting into arguments with her over feedings. I was not proud of myself, and was not being the father and husband I’d hoped to be.
Sometime during the second month, my attitude changed. Night feedings became a time to bond and enjoy his tiny self rather than a chore that made me resent him. I don’t know what prompted the change, but I’m glad it came. At this point, I find myself being much more compassionate towards his needs, and when he cries, I am sad for him. The night feedings are great, and looking into his small eyes as he drinks is a wonderful experience.
I probably still put too much of the child care responsibility on Kandis during the days, but I feel like I’m improving in that regard too. Only she could answer that for sure.
Fatherhood has been great for me. My life has changed, but I think fatherhood has made me a better person. Maybe I’m more patient and compassionate than I was before we had Cooper. I’ve certainly learned about a different kind of love over the past few months.
In addition to my celebration of Father’s day, Cooper turned two months old today!
